Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Shatter

When they say "break up" most people think of a separation, two people regaining identities separate from the singularity that they once were. Almost like a cell division where the one become two. Still the same. Still a part of each other. But by now separate and distinct personalities. But rather than a growth -- unless one thinks of cancer cells -- it is instead a reclaiming of the self -- two became one then one became two again.. And in that sense, separation is indeed far better.

When I say break up, however, I do not think of one becoming two. Instead I think of a shattered mirror -- where I am left with little pieces of me one cannot put together again, just one small pile of glittering pain. Sometimes I think of a relationship as that moment when a rock, hurled at a mirror touches it and that moment is suspended forever. Eventually, the crash will come and I will break into tiny little pieces. The rock could possibly get nicked but is usually whole. But that moment, that moment when rock simply touches the mirror, so much happens. Sometimes that moment can last for years, with both sides suffering the illusion that they are indeed One, despite the differences, despite the virtual invincibility of one and the frailty of the other, despite the inevitable... And sometimes that moment is so beautiful, a perfect jewel reflected in bits of glass...



So sometimes I pray, to the Holiness beyond me, to save that moment of happiness when everything was alright between two very different people, where they are touching and communing and being together, loving -- perhaps not enough to slow the momentum or deviate from its course, but loving deeply and completely-- that precious moment before I shatter...

No comments:

Post a Comment